Leon employs staff to bump threads

Our researchers have gained new information about the activities relating to Leon propoganda. An early "favourite" due to being short, vulnerable therefore easy to push around by women, Leon was seen as a possible winner. His fans didn't see the onslaught of avalanche support for Rhydian coming therefore, Leon has employed three people to help bump his thread.

They work on a 20 hour shift and generally talk to themselves to keep a thread bumped, in the desperate hope people will see Leon as popular. Unfortunately, due to the lack of funds available, the Leon fans have to go on "operation name calling" on an average of every 5 minutes, because everybody hates Leon. This leaves the Leon thread languishing behind because the 3 people who post there are busy calling people names.


We talked to one individual who is in hiding after he was assaulted by Leon fans. "I couldn't believe it. I thought I was stating the obvious. I have been in the music busienss all my life and I was pointing out, quite clearly, he cannot sing... which he can't. I was then told he can, I am stupid, I am an idiot, I don't know what I am talking about. They did say one thing nice about me. They called me a Rhydian fan. That's a compliment because that guy can sing."

A mathematician who has been on the case of the Leon thread for a while told us, "if the three main posters weren't on the thread 20 hours of the day... it would die over night. I doubt there would be 100 posts on that thread if it wasn't for three people."

Leon to attempt SINGING and DANCING this week

BREAKING NEWS

Word has just reached us that Leon will attempt to SING and DANCE, AT THE SAME TIME this week.

Phones were buzzing madly at Inside X Factor Towers today as we tried to contact anybody and somebody who could give us more information on this. We first got through to Simon Cowell whilst shopping for lady shavers. "Yes, we have given Leon his favoured binge drinking fumbling act for a few weeks and just let him shout on stage. So you know, we might as well see if he has the X Factor and get him to sing" he said whilst measuring a Cucumber.

Leon Fans on the other hand were confused. We contacted one who is an expert in the alert and ban routine. "My beloved Leon. Oh my beloved Leon. One day he will save me from the drudgery of 24 hour DS forum Leon thread bumping. He sings like a thousand angels in chorus and his dancing is far greater than Fred Astaire. IT IS! SAY IT IS! OR ME AND MY MINIONS WILL ALERT AND BAN YOU INTO OLD AGE!".

An X Factor fan and also expert and X Factor advisor to the government told us... "I don't know what happened during the selection process. It beats me but if this guy can sing, I'm George Bush and a 100m sprinting, Long Jumping, Cyborg George Bush from the future who has mated with many women. I am not George Bush. I cannot run fast or jump long distances. I am not even a cyborg and my sex life is non-existent. Now. Do you see what I'm saying here?".

More later.

Leon's Twin Brother found

Leon, from a hole in Scotland somewhere, has finally been contacted by his identical twin.



Leon was heard to shout in what he calls his singing voice. "Yu, Yu, Yu, eeeeh. OOOH, My Brother.... He AINT HEAVY, He's My BROTHER!!" to some bemused reporters.

Known as Stig, of the dump, we were told in a manner not unlike Leon's singing, "ug, ug ooh, ug ugg UGGER uGG".

Here is Leon, looking all stig like:

Leon Clan planning to increase power of brainwash machine

Our undercover reporters Nigel Gblundgu and Joseph ibdglgwngo have been feeding back and forth to X Factor Insider headquarters regarding the Brainwash machine created by Leon's family. Posing as Norwegian backpacking students who accidentally took one too many country roads, they were enlisted into the group highlighting their devotion to Leon by saying simply "Leon can sing".

They outline the group as cult like. They wear Leon T-Shirts which have a large Leon head on the front and a large Leon head on the back. The brainwashing machine is powered by English tax payers money and is fired up just as Leon attempts to sing. He gives the signal with a jingle jangle of his jelly legs and wahey.

MI5 are on the case but due to the remoteness of Leon's village and therefore the inability of taking armed forces to shut down the brainwash machine, MI5 are hoping that people aren't too stupid enough to believe that somebody who can't hold a note even if it was post it should suffice from global domination.

Leon fans have been adamantly supporting Leon as a Heavenly elixir of sound that is the most beautiful angel from above. Normal people have been hoping he gets fired out of a cannon and placed in an area where could torture Terrorists into giving secret hideouts.

More later.

Sharon Osbourne "I'm tone deaf"

Manager of crazy shouty bands, Sharon Osbourne, also mother of fat kids and Charity Case Predator has admitted, she is tone deaf giving Simon more to worry about than the RSPCA knocking on his door after the recent Hope performance.

Sharon told our reporter Abdul "Yeah, what? WHAT? I can't hear you!!"... at this point we reverted to writing on a big white board since Sharon's eyesight was complete pants too.

"Yeah? me? Too much Ozzy love... Too much plastic seepage down through me sinuses into the ear canal. Can't be good..."

Sharon then led us to her chamber of hearing which we have photographed below (picture to arrive later after Abdul received it from the developers.



First we piped in Alisha. "Oh my GAWD!!! I relied upon Nicole for this! She sounds like Ozzy after a Vindaloo!!" Second was Emily... Lady Shiverz alright, that's scary. She sounds like a drill". We then showed her video footage of the stage shaking at Richter level 13.323 when Kimberley was on the stage - Sharon fainted, we contacter her plastic surgeon. He gave her botox, tummy tuck and a new nose and all was fine.

We then got to stroke the dogs.

More tomorrow!